random ramblings of a crazed nerd

So the simple, short, easy way to look at things sometimes is rather easily summed up in a single word:

Change.

Life is change, choices bring about change, as life goes on your physical body changes - where you once the team captain in football, you now get a ache in your back when you play fooze ball - you were the prettiest girl in school, and now you’ve had 2 kids and you don’t feel as pretty anymore - but such is life, we change, and not all changes are deep, some are physical, and all change takes time to understand, and come to understand/appreciate (I mean come on you have 2 precious angels now!).

I look around life lately, and see change, see choices, and as odd as I am, I try to run a choice other folks make out in my head, I try to empathize with their life, where they are at, where they are going, what they are knee deep in, and try to help if I can, but sometimes, I can truly say nothing, help isn’t desired, help is not warranted from me, life requires lessons to be learned, but I can’t shut off my desire to help.

In the process of the day today, I was asked for help, and my normal response occurred “Sure-thing” but upon people asking “Oh who was that?!” I was told not once, not twice, but 3 times, “Why would you offer to help that person?” and honestly its not something that pop’d into my head as I considered what was going on, I didn’t consider how I’d be helping that person continue their life as is, I didn’t consider that the person usually tends to simply ask for something and not give something, and probably a pile of other reasons some could give me to not help.

I don’t know how to change this though. I have written here about things like this before and I got some good feedback, but today as I was being told by people I have helped, and I am in the process of or going to help soon that I shouldn’t help another person, it boggled my mind - I don’t know what to think on this honestly, and tomorrow I’ll get a call, and be asked “So, can you make it?” and I honestly don’t know what my answer will be - I mean if person #1 who said I shouldn’t, stopped getting my help, would that be fair? or #2 - should I simply not give to them? or #3, is there one factor of why I should NOT help them?

I dunno, this whole getting older thing, trying to focus on my life a bit deal is just odd, I have never been one to really focus on what’s good for me - I go days without sleep, recently a day or two without food, because I am sidetracked working to help other people - and it doesn’t bother me really, I enjoy being able to help, to have the skills, strength, finances, etc. to help someone out, I mean whats a missed night of sleep to help out with advice on a marriage? what’s a missed meal to sit on the phone and just listen to someone? What’s $25 for internet access so someone can go home and unwind after work and maybe, just maybe unwind from their day, and have some of that stress relieved? It’s nothing at all.

I guess I don’t do a lot of things standard - I mean for instance today, I got an email from a client who said “Potential Customer!” and he wanted me to bid on this hosting project for his church’s summer program - honestly, it was a very awesome ministry setup, the video promo, the PDF flyer, all well done, professional - my reply on the quote? Free. I could of at the very least had $5 extra a month, but instead I decided a site on this ministry was more important than a #4 @ TacoBell each month (Which is 5.96 with tax if I remember correctly) - but I just don’t live my life that way I suppose.

2 Corinthians 9:6-7 says “6 Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. 7 Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” I was raised by cheerful givers, and not just my parents, but my grandparents, and other family - my grandfather would  give his time to folks, my grandmother would take time to teach, my dad had an open ear, and also enjoyed to talk, my mom helped if there was a need to cover with finances - I have always just wanted to bless others, because God has blessed Me. I mean who would I be to not give to others? What is an afternoon canceling meetings? What’s the big deal in buying someone a meal - God provides.

My pastor once said “You Can’t Outgive God. I dare you to try.” and if someone on my blog is getting something from any or all of this blip here, then do try - do my finances get tight sometimes? Sure. Do I get sick/overwhelmed/exhausted? Sure - welcome to being human 101 - but in the end, God provides. I can’t over extend myself to even come close to what God has done for me in my life, I survived a car wreck, I’ve had health issues, I’ve had family nearly die growing up , but I’ve never been able to out-give God - I mean Jesus sacrificed his life for us, so I have a long ways to go before I get to that level of sacrifice and giving.

With all that said, what do I say tomorrow? Do I judge the life this person is leading? or do I simply do what Jesus did with the woman at the well, offer that bit of help of “Go and sin no more.” and be a friend, and example of Christ and have a few folks upset at my choice? or do I say “Sorry! No Can Do!” and maybe miss a chance in life that I sometimes deal with “What if I had done XYZ for Mr/Ms. X?” am I stepping out of something that could change someone’s life? or am I for once supposed to let person X do something on their own?

Time and Prayer will tell. Time to do my nightly rounds, and maybe catch some sleep here shortly. Take Care All.

Tags: faith, life, personal, scripture, ugh