Train or Daylight?

Lately I have begun to wonder what that light is at the end of the tunnel, and for the past few weeks it has been the train, and it runs me over a few times, and I get back up, step back, then lunge back into things, and give it another go to see if maybe this next time it’ll be daylight and I can move on from this tunnel of insanity.

But thus far, even 3 hours in the tunnel, I need 1 hour or so of step back, it’s just sad, and not really productive, or healthy - but such is life sometimes, but today I took a road over the tunnel for the day just to relax, and work on projects which for one needed a bit more quiet overall so I could do some testing on projects, and the testing went good.

So I started thinking about the “plan” to change life up a bit, and honestly, I don’t know what it would be, there are options, but I am thinking of maybe making a move in life, change of location, I have planned for mid-year to try to be in an apartment/house/whatever - but maybe something further out - maybe another state/town/country(hi jon!) but I really am starting to think a change of location might help my state of mind.

I love my friends and business folks here in Bako, but at the same time this is all comfortable, this is easy, this is sadly in some cases the same, day-in, and day-out - the bit from the last blog about not being able to help people who don’t want to be helped, very big thing in my life right now, just odd that folks feel I want something out of me doing something nice, but that is their choice I guess, in some cases it’s not all bad, folks simply don’t need my help anymore because their life has rounded out and is getting better, but for others, I almost feel like I have offended to even offer to help out.

So maybe a change of location is needed, not sure, something to surely pray about, biggest thing I’d be leaving here is Friends and Family, not like I have any business or romantic ties anywhere, so no major breakups - but maybe a new town, new opportunities, a place where folks don’t already have a pre-conceived idea about you, your simply “Chuck” and if people get to know you, then tada.

Other end of this, I may just simply be tired, long story as to why I am not sleeping, folks can call it insomnia, or chronic fatigue - but it’s neither, its sorting and figuring out a few things in life, lately I have sat up penciling or typing out thoughts and working on some choices with work, personal, etc. not to mention the joys of taxes, then I follow that up with a bit of winding down, so not a un-made choice, not a matter of being completely exhausted as simply a fact of life, but all by choice - so don’t worry that I have some sort of disease or syndrome, just how I work, wires have been crossed in my brain for decades now!

Anywhoo, prayers are appreciated, also for my dad who isn’t feeling too well, but for me just some clarity as to what I am supposed to do in life, not just in regards to a move, but in general, things since my birthday have been nuts, thankfully calming down, but still leaves me with some choices to make in the end which aren’t easy - but that’s it, the post I started last night totally erased, and a new fresh one down in under 10 minutes. Have a good Thursday folks.