Hard Talk….

I am a man of words normally, for 5 years now I have used my words in business, dealing with people - my words can pitch a deal, sell a product, yell at a company that has wronged me, and correct things business related that had some effect on my family - from my dad being wrongly billed for $50, to being billed nearly $1000 for a month of dis-service on a telco line.

I can sit on a phone and talk my head off, getting my point across, getting people to understand where I am coming from, what I am wanting to do to fix things and make it all right so we can move forward - or in emails, or heck this blog, using my text to get across a point, to share a thought, to speak my mind, to say what I can’t say in words. I have brought about lawsuits by my talk, legal injunctions, threats of lawsuits, words indeed hold power, and in this world wide web, get a few voices behind your cause, and you can have a large group of support from across the planet.

But one topic of talk, I have yet to master. I find myself tounge tied, hard to talk, nervous, sweating, toe tapping, fidgeting, (put in just about anything you do when you feel uncomfortable & nervous - and I probably have had it) - but what’s the topic? What’s the area of discussion that I can’t talk on - and yet I can go toe to toe with a CEO of a large telecommunications company with and not be nervous? Well for those of you who read my blog on a semi-regular basis probably already have a decent idea. The short answer is “Da Lady Folk!”.

So I missed spring to be the bambi term of “twitterpated” - but I dunno - I can’t even at this point decide what I want to do, but I’ll say this, it has indeed been life changing. Were not dating, just hangin - which for me, works for now, but I dunno, I dunno what I really feel - the reason? Most of my life my friends have tended to be female. Granted I do have a number of guy friends, but even growing up, I could always talk to girls, not cheesy pickup lines, but just conversations, heck if you looked at my AIM/MSN/YIM - a large population of females - I dunno, I have good convo’s with guys and me and dan have had 3-4 hrs worth of talk time hangin out, but I dunno - talkin with girls conversations can go anywhere, no where, and it’s comfortable, my words are easy to come by, but with this one girl - im crackin bad jokes, sweatin, nervous to high heaven, worried I will mess up a awesome friendship, not act soon enough and loose her - I dunno, I think it’s definately offical, as she says “I’m weird.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-10
4 Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,

5 Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,

6 Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

7 Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

8 Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. 9 We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. 10 But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

While I may not be going to church on a regular basis, my relationship with the Lord is one thing I have taken more and more seriously, really trying to rely on him, trying to lean on him for the words, and these are the ones I found in my search, a verse I have know since I was a kid, something my parents did a lot to bestow upon me, about how to treat and lady, how to honor her, respect her, and treat her differently then I would guys I look at this verse and I try to apply it to all my relationships, a defination of love, a defintion of do’s and dont’s - but that’s where the area grey’s for me - how do you know? How do you know the time is right to take and move friend to more, a closer friend, someone who could possibly be ‘the one’ I dunno - thus I am at the present sticking to the friend, as at the moment that’s pretty nice as-is.

Who knows when life will change entirely for me, who knows if she is ‘the one’ - for now I am sticking to verse 5 in the passage above as a starting point - not trying to force anything, just being a shoulder to lean on, a help when I can be, and most importantly a friend - but for me this is definately new territory, 5 years I have spent my life on business, on brokering deals, programming code till the wee hours of the morning, and now I am having to learn new words which aren’t dollars, php, web hosting, or even computers (thats right folks, she doesnt know computers!) - it’s talking sports, art, school, her day, life, family, faith, etc. It’s definately nice - and she has gotten me out doing more that I have in years - apparently there are these places called resteraunts, it’s not like Jack in the Box or Taco Bell - but you can go in, and people serve you food! It’s wild!

With that - I am going to go turn on some fans and get the house cooled down (cooler is broke) - prayer are appriciated as I seem to be becoming mr. prayer requests lately - but thanks for the prayers for my rent’s just got the call from mom they landed safely in Seattle, and are getting their luggage.

Night All.