Nightmares…. joy joy

Well been up since 2, got woken up from a bad dream, and haven’t crashed back yet, though I am getting close. One thing I have never liked being in the computer industry as I am, is the dreams I get from it. I remember having the classic dreams, going to school naked, or falling down a mountain, the usual scary/embarassing dreams - however as a guy in IT, its always the nerdy stuff that gets me lately - in the dreams a server has been hacked, somehow I have let my self type “rm -fR /” (in other words force a recursive removal of *all* files on the linux system) - and further and farther scary stuff.

I always wake up and have to look at servers, make sure things are okay - just with a lot on my mind lately both things for good, and things for change (not really bad change, just change, and its hard change possibly) - I do find myself looking at life yet again as to where the next step in life will lead. This week had a lot planned, then Sparky died, computer has been with me, and is responsible for starting FH’s original site, and many years of management, it did it’s job, but I just keep finding myself wanting a break, wanting to escape it all, no responsiblities, only answering calls of people wanting to go do something fun (other than work) and such - just a lot on the table I suppose in possiblitiy and as well for expansion - but moving forward on it, I suppose is a tad scary like my dreams.

While I love the idea of growing FlockHosting which is part of Thrust Networks to a larger, more competitive venture, the catch 22 comes into play, pricing - anymore there are super cheap hosting companies popping up all over, the offer massive amounts of resources to end users - but in my mind, I see that as wasteful, the risk of overselling becomes a very big reality, but these big companies come and go as they usually live on Venture Capital, so once the money runs dry, they either raise prices on things which were once free, or make crazy overages fees “20 per MB over.” etc. Don’t get me wrong, some of these companies have proven themselves honorable, worthy, etc. but it makes it hard for me the small fish in the bowl to really make major/large jumps in profit margins, as I have to offer more to stay ‘close’ to their offerings.
I have great clients - never been a complaint of mine that I have whiny, rude, irritating clients, those folks come and go, but in the end my core, my favorites, those who time and time again buy services from me are a blessing and a joy to have, they make the job fun, light, and their understanding is awesome especailly as I have had increased response times with issues since I have taken a little more time lately to a personal life, but while I love giving them all deals, the catch comes in time management, if I am pushing for a personal life, I need to hire folks to come in, work on servers ( a matter of trust, not only money there ) - and help me balance the load, be able to be on-call for me when I am @ a prior engagement, have someone be there to push the buttons, make the calls on what needs to be done to get things running smooth again.

So time shall tell - if I get a more full-timeish job, to bring in more monthly wage, I may be able to use that, but who knows, again I suppose a lot on my mind, that I guess I really just wanted to offload somewhere, and since my iBook was across the room, there was no place to journal But prayers are definately appriciated - I know God has this all figured out, just wish I did! but there’s a lot of things to sort out not just business wise, but all in due time I suppose.

And that’s my rambling for the evening/morning - whatever this really is here at 4am, I think I am going to slide back into bed, and hope that in the morning my parts for “midnite” (current name for my new machine - subject to change) will be closer to bakersfield than NJ Night/Morning all