What do I want?

No no, not going too deep into self discovery - but had a dream this afternoon as this weekened I was just exhausted, so much going on, but at the same time other things I’d rather really focus on - but such is the way of life - anywhoo - had this dream in which I was asked a question “What do you want?” it’s something I am asked off and on “What do you want for dinner?” and such, but in the dream this question was so huge, I woke up asking myself “What do I want?” - it’s something I have been asked, but rarely if ever have asked myself.

The honest answer was “I dunno” a lot of life I simply leave up to God, some would say that’s leaving life up to chance, but God hasn’t steer’d me wrong yet - has it always been easy? No. LoL - to say it’s always easy would be lying, but all in all God has been good - I think anyone who looks at my life in this blog for the past few years can easily say I have had some crazy things in my life, business, family, friends, work, etc. - but a lot of my life choices really focused on others, vs. my own sanity - never what I “wanted” to do per-say, but what I truly needed to do.

I have had good friends tell me I should charge for my knowledge, my expertiese but honestly I never saw a reason for it, always gave freely of myself, heck I probably always will, just part of who I am, part of what makes me, me. But lately the question has held a deeper meaning - what do I want? For the last 5+ years, it was to build a business, never had any specific goals of X number of clients, or X number of domains, or $X.XX in profit, just move forward, build sometihng, grow it, stick with it - and here we are, not a highly profitable business, not buying mini-coopers every Friday, or laptops every month, but I am living comfortably and have some nice toys and tools to make my work enjoyable and easier to manage - but even there, what do I want?

This upcoming change, still so much in flux, waiting on various elements to fall into place, working on getting my taxes finished up, working on planning a crazy road trip, planning a question to which I get a much desired answer, but prepared to find out the answer isnt what I thought, but so much on my mind - just always feel like talking lately - had some good chats online, a few offline, but I think the one thing I want right now, is this road trip - having the stress off me for these servers, having a skilled crew on hand to help take care of server issues if and as they happen allowing me a vacation, no rush to get back, just hoping the money in my wallet lasts a few more miles, gets me through a few more hotels and meals to get me to the next city, because it’s not going to be a day trip, this is going to be big! going through states, stopping in random towns, spending the night in a hotel room, resting up for the next day of driving - its exciting, its scary, its new, its change.

One thing I am considering is a Video/Audio blog, already looking at the options for making that happen - found one solution, not horribly priced, but would allow me to use the Treo and say “Hello!” with my own voice instead of just writing a blog entry each day (Which I imagine I’ll do anywhoo). But it truly has me excited, plus getting to drive up to my Grandparent’s place, visit my Uncle and Aunt as well - getting to see my dad’s side of the family, I haven’t seen them in years, so should be fun, and a nice suprise, as I have yet to tell them about it - if only I felt really wild, I’d drive to Colorado as well and visit my Aunt and Uncle there but one trip at a time have to let the bank account catch-up sooner or later

Anywhoo, thats my rant, really just felt the need to type it all out, so much in my brain right now, if only 1/3 of my friends kept the same hours I did so I had someone to talk to 24/7 I know many of them wouldn’t care if I called and HAD to talk, something serious, but just talking life out? They’d be on the phone with me for hours! So I am going to go shift around backups, push some hard backups of databases and files, then clear off my bed and goto sleep. Night All.