Dealing with Stress

When I started out in this business many years ago (web junk) - I started on my own, small scale, doing a site which has long since gone called Singles4Jesus - my work on my own personal websites like JCNET and JCNEWS both got me misc. job offers which lead up to knowledge of some coding, design, website related tricks, it was awesome - which in turn had my good friend Dan get me hired with his boss - which lead to about a year or so of employement specializing in e-commerce, and Miva programming as well as general support/setup/server config etc.

While working with Dan, Ron, Tom, Javier, and Adam we had some good fun, the company grew, we moved into a new location, and setup shop in a 9-5 job, twas crazy indeed - we got some major deals, made some crazy project plans, and expanded by leaps and bounds, but stress (or at least from our perspective) got the better of our boss, and he turned to what we heard through the rumor mill was drugs to cope - at the time, I could never understand why someone would go to that extreme, or how it could be so much work that you’d need that method of unwinding - but this last 6 months has been proof of the insanity that can insue in running your own business - while I don’t think Drugs/Drinking will ever be my “cooldown” of choice, for some it may be.

I have been in talks with CMC for a few weeks about my continued role at CMC - I am one of the last few original crew from back in the Robin days, and I have myself pretty intwinded at the site, my code powers a good portion of the site, I keep a eye on the servers, and such - and my role has of late become a mixed bag, I am not saying that I too have not been at fault, but I think I am hitting the same wall as my old boss, finding that balance between relaxing and working, but also life outside of work, not making work my 24/7 thing anymore, granted there are days I get the 4am SMS, or the panic calls in the afternoons while trying to catch up on a few winks, but my role at CMC is switching from one of a personal nature to a professional only, if I decide to stay, definately a thing on my prayer list lately - and not 100% sure I am going to stay to be honest, and maybe it is time to go, CMC by default the last year has had more issues - so time shall tell, but definately going to be praying about it, not even from a money standpoint (which is on the table as well) but just in the timeframe of things.

I am greatful for friends though - folks who tell me JAHOYFT - to those who drag me out to movies, food, baseball games, not only are some of these folks great friends, but some are very understanding clients as well - I can definately say I am blessed, and I thank God for my friends - but the one thing I keep getting around every turn lately is, while I look at who I am, what I have become in business, I need to remember who I am, the other talents I have been given, and the other loves I enjoy doing, biking, music, photography, cooking - all things of which I don’t do a TON anymore, but I think its part of the puzzle in finding that balance, getting those elements back in my life a bit.

So I have a plan, I think I am going to skip the MacBook purchase, I already have a buyer for the iBook - and going to invest in a new desk, and a iMac 17inch Core Duo - and make it for managing my photos & for expanding my music - I have a bike rack, and the weather in the early AM and late evening are both awesome for bike riding, and I have been trying to eat mildly healthier some lately, granted there’s no way 100% of the time out I can, stupid Jack in the Box killed the Ceaser Salad - so one less fast food place I can eat semi-healthy at and enjoy it - but get some food going back here at home - and maybe work in at least 2 photo things a month - all of which I think will help balance me back out and really help get my mind to shut off of work for more than a evening - throw piano thoughts in the mix, photography ideas, cooking creations etc. Lots of possiblities for a brain that one way or the other never stops

And to those who go back to the JAHOYFT note - I think even though its a question that weighs on my mind, its a matter of things all in due time, and it’s not time, as much as I’d love to throw it out there, and hope for the best, life still has some things for me to work out, God has some plans for me as well - but I think when the time is right I’ll definately be chatting with her openly and honestly, could be tomorrow, could be in a month, but I don’t think I’m truly ready yet. But for once above all I just wrote, for once again I feel excited about work, about jobs, about things coming up, I am starting to use my Palm a tad more wisely, need to get a few more tools for project management installed and setup, especially if I do bring on another person to help finish some projects sooner than later - but its all good. God is Good, life is good.

But thanks for your continued prayers, thanks for the ocasional chats, calls, etc. I really do appriciate it - this week will most likely bring about some more changes, hopefully all for the best. Well, I am going to go measure an area and see what size desk I need for the iMac/Piano, have a wonderful evening, and a blessed Sunday folks. Night.