I have never been a skilled writer - my blog is really just a place to vent, put my thoughts down on digital paper so to speak - take what’s bouncing around in my brain, and give it somewhere else to live for 5 minutes as I convert a hazy thought into a sentence that makes sense to me, no one else probably, and lately my brain has had a lot to say, this past Friday was one of the better days - amazing that behind a camera my brain is off. I am concentrating on the moment, the shots, the area around me, its not my room, it’s not the office, it’s not a restaurant, it’s outdoors, its open air, its a breath of fresh air.
Over the last year while I have worked, researched, and tested new hosting ideas out, I have fallen back in love with 2 things in my life, music and art - my two real escapes anymore, either here @ the iMac plunk’n away at the piano, or out on a FotoFriday snapping some shots of nature, driving previously my Neon and now my Cobalt off-road where I should really have a truck lol - but I find joy in these things, I find peace and joy apart from the stresses of the day, the week, etc.
The last 2 weeks folks have told me to do what I am good at, to be a System Administrator, and while I do a fair job, and know a lot of computer stuff as one friend said “You know computers very well, that’s a gift, that’s a talent” and I am not doubting that, but going back to the big things that bring me joy, the things that helped me growing up to release, relax, music - pounding what must of seemed like nonsense to my parents on the piano, going on choral trips singing in massive churches/concert halls, that was good stuff, and now with Photography its another release - now if I just had a swimming pool, I’d be set, 25 laps, I’d be perfect
I honestly don’t know what the future holds for me right now, as much as I would like to say with the great hyperactive brain that I have it all figured out, I don’t - but I do think I am going to hide out for a bit, not entirely, but really take some time to do some things around the house, get my disaster area room cleaned up, get my taxes done and finished, and spend some time on me, getting myself in order before I go off trying to save the world.
So here’s to a week of me - I’ll still be on IM, email, cell will be on, and I imagine I’ll be going out some to get some air now and again, but just some things which need to be taken care of, who knows, with a few of these things out of the way the rest will start to fall into place. Prayers are appreciated, I wish I could say exactly what’s going on with me, but I have no real idea, something is changing, hopefully for the better. Take care all.
Well a new week is nearly here, in a few hours a new Monday arrives, and the week begins a fresh & new - so that leaves the question, what does this week bring? The short & simple answer, I dunno.
My todo’s seem to be pretty big, I finish a few items on a list, only to have 13 more popup while I am working on the one, taxes though are first and foremost, should take about 3 days to get everything tallied up, still waiting on 2 other 1099’s (blah!), but I have a funny feeling its not going to be a happy tax year this year, my guess? ~$400 owed, hoping less, and fearing more.
Some projects around though, some simple script updates, probably going to have to work up a system with the kMan to bill his clients a upkeep of scripts provided, as too many are getting aged, and exploited - and I do like sleep despite what people may say
Other things for this week, killing myspace? Something I have really been considering doing, tired of the 30 porno ads a day, as if I didn’t have enough temptation from the rest of the web, its just really getting stupid, and I don’t REALLY use it at all, occasional message/comment, not mr. popularity on there, I mean in my photo I have a screw driver in my head!
Some talks to have this week, some about short-term stuff, few about long-term stuff, both sets come down to being about money, with which I could rule the world! wait, no that’s not right… or is it? muwhahaha.
Anywhoo, rambling is getting more and more, and its barely 9:31, just a tad bored and lonely tonight, with a massive pain in my neck that shoots down my back, some would say “take a pill, and goto sleep” but I need to eat something first, but I have slept most of the day after a early AM line blip caused me to get a few server outage notices on my phone (yay) - so soon enough though. Night folks, have a good week.
Posted on 25 March '07 by Chuck Brown, under Uncategorized. .
Okay - so this weekend did have some rest to it, go figure, but still had 2 tickets come in today, some folks still finding the new server related bugs, but last night’s server tune-up’s went well, still some more I want to do in the long run, but after taxes, and things calm down with some other areas of my life.
Sleep is seeming to level out, aka it is 2am and I am sleepy, just sitting here trying to cool off, as my room is super heated for some reason, just toasty - but I am going to try passing out here shortly and hoping for a semi-normal night’s rest - but it’s been quiet, only 1 or 2 IM’s today, no calls, no emergencies (short of the domain on a friend’s server running a bit torrent client at 3am via a exploited PHP script) - so hopefully Sunday will reflect that as well.
So I didn’t get out for the second leg of shots, but I got some good rest - but here are some of the shots:
All in all a fun day! Just wrapped up some planned maintenance on the servers, so winding down to crash out for the day - though I really am craving Biscuts and Gravy… maybe a quick breeze out to Denny’s or Cindy’s for some grubbage.
So far I have enjoyed my day, started at 12:30am when I woke up after crashing far too early, but up early in the AM means a good start on a Photo Friday - already got some shots, but I need to process them (been working on them in Lightroom) but it was a fun run around trip, even made it out to the Bako sign to take some pictures of the sign for the Flickr photo group - and had my battery start to run out, so I hit the office downtown, and let it charge for an hour or two.
On the way towards the mountains (general direction I pointed the car) I realized I had to go to the bathroom, so hit home and decided to download the photos here too - some came out beautius (pronounced:beauty-us) others far to dark to even have Lightroom salvage, but then I got the call of folks checkin in on me - I don’t think anything is wrong with me, but folks thought I was down when I was at the office - granted there’s some things I have on my mind, and such, but nothing for one to talk on about over the phone, but also not today, I just want to wander, sleep, enjoy the day - and for once have a Friday that’s about me, not just being the “server guy” and I must say, being me is almost as expensive as the server guy, found $300 worth of camera things (lighting/backdrops/lighting tools) - stoopid ebay!
But for anyone asking, am I bum’d out today? No - tis a happy photo day, heck may even get wild and do some Piano time as well — I know, I know, !wild!. but it’s nice to have a day off, and while I wish I could say that Weekends are my days off, they rarely tend to be, so - Friday’s definitely come in handy - but next week will come around, and some things will be discussed, some things will be continually prayed about, a lot coming up, taxes coming down to the wire, and all the usual insanity goodness, but for this Friday, that’s miles away.
Lately I have begun to wonder what that light is at the end of the tunnel, and for the past few weeks it has been the train, and it runs me over a few times, and I get back up, step back, then lunge back into things, and give it another go to see if maybe this next time it’ll be daylight and I can move on from this tunnel of insanity.
But thus far, even 3 hours in the tunnel, I need 1 hour or so of step back, it’s just sad, and not really productive, or healthy - but such is life sometimes, but today I took a road over the tunnel for the day just to relax, and work on projects which for one needed a bit more quiet overall so I could do some testing on projects, and the testing went good.
So I started thinking about the “plan” to change life up a bit, and honestly, I don’t know what it would be, there are options, but I am thinking of maybe making a move in life, change of location, I have planned for mid-year to try to be in an apartment/house/whatever - but maybe something further out - maybe another state/town/country(hi jon!) but I really am starting to think a change of location might help my state of mind.
I love my friends and business folks here in Bako, but at the same time this is all comfortable, this is easy, this is sadly in some cases the same, day-in, and day-out - the bit from the last blog about not being able to help people who don’t want to be helped, very big thing in my life right now, just odd that folks feel I want something out of me doing something nice, but that is their choice I guess, in some cases it’s not all bad, folks simply don’t need my help anymore because their life has rounded out and is getting better, but for others, I almost feel like I have offended to even offer to help out.
So maybe a change of location is needed, not sure, something to surely pray about, biggest thing I’d be leaving here is Friends and Family, not like I have any business or romantic ties anywhere, so no major breakups - but maybe a new town, new opportunities, a place where folks don’t already have a pre-conceived idea about you, your simply “Chuck” and if people get to know you, then tada.
Other end of this, I may just simply be tired, long story as to why I am not sleeping, folks can call it insomnia, or chronic fatigue - but it’s neither, its sorting and figuring out a few things in life, lately I have sat up penciling or typing out thoughts and working on some choices with work, personal, etc. not to mention the joys of taxes, then I follow that up with a bit of winding down, so not a un-made choice, not a matter of being completely exhausted as simply a fact of life, but all by choice - so don’t worry that I have some sort of disease or syndrome, just how I work, wires have been crossed in my brain for decades now!
Anywhoo, prayers are appreciated, also for my dad who isn’t feeling too well, but for me just some clarity as to what I am supposed to do in life, not just in regards to a move, but in general, things since my birthday have been nuts, thankfully calming down, but still leaves me with some choices to make in the end which aren’t easy - but that’s it, the post I started last night totally erased, and a new fresh one down in under 10 minutes. Have a good Thursday folks.
Sadly that seems to be the end result as of late, help offered, is not accepted. I dunno, I suppose as some folks noted, I care too much, and maybe I should not be feeling odd that folks don’t want help, but in some cases, as of late, I feel like I am offending people by offering.
I dunno, it’s just one of those things anymore I think people wonder what “he gets out of it!?” but in the end, I am not asking for anything, sure sure, I’d love for one day maybe a hand down the road, but that goes on the whole “do unto others, as you’d have them do unto you” - but even then, I am not making any contracts here saying “I will offer you the following assistance - IN EXCHANGE - you will be my friend, be at my beck and call whenever I need you. I own you.”
I mean most times its something simple, a meal, a tank of gas, help on a project, but lately I feel like maybe I am being too nice? I dunno - I realize a lot of folks I interact with day-in-day-out are a tad stressed right now, but its like a wide range of folks, I still have the takers who no matter what/when/how/why - they’ll take help, and pull and pull to get every ounce of freebie they can - and to those folks I am learning to say “Sorry, I can only wing part 1 of your 37 part project” and that’s hard, but I just keep finding folks who are pushing the limits of my helpfulness.
But to each their own I suppose, if someone doesn’t WANT help, no way to give it, makes me tired. So - I am going to take a nap.
but it’s nice to have a day off, and while I wish I could say that Weekends are my days off, they rarely tend to be, so - Friday’s definitely come in handy - but next week will come around, and some things will be discussed, some things will be continually prayed about, a lot coming up, taxes coming down to the wire, and all the usual insanity goodness, but for this Friday, that’s miles away.
