Archive for 'deep thoughts'
Well quite a week, can’t actually believe it is Friday already! Just seems like this week has flown by and yet it is still going strong - lot of things went down this week, haven’t had a chance to really blog all that much - but it has been yowza - quite a week, to re-cap some of this week’s happenings:
- Expanded my prayer & bible time by getting on Ed Young PodCast & Daily Email (linkage)
- Picked up the 80GB iPod Classic (lovely)
- Tried to be Sick (not so good at it)
- Got a call from a old friend
- Getting INC’d - thank the lord
- Coded on Projects Some
- Got the last of my stuff from the old office #2 (kMan’s place)
- Watched and Enjoyed You Kill Me
- Assorted other things
It was a fun week though, had some blips, some hiccups, but it worked, almost entirely into a “normal” sleep schedule, it’s odd going to sleep at a semi normal hour and waking up before 7am… not sure if it’ll stick - but I sort of hope it does!
I am sure there are other things I could go into detail on, the topic for one was something I had planned to talk about, but the short version is this week has been some good give and take, constantly I feel like all I do is give sometimes, but this week I got to give and take, it was nice, I have some awesome friends - now I just need to take a nap so I can hang out some more this evening, and this weekend! More Later!
Busy busy - Today was just one of those days, wished a lot more had been done, wish some things had not taken up some of my time, but such is life I suppose - I have a lot on my mind, and with that sometimes my ability to reason and be rational about situations goes out the window, I sat down for a little over an hour to watch some recorded TV, let me relax a bit - but still just a temporary escape.
Some things happened good, server client paid today, so that’s a plus, no having to scrounge for funds or kill a server, got a check in the mail I wasn’t expecting… sure sure it’s for $15 but hey - that’s eat’n money I had hoped for another positive talk about business, but it never seemed to happen, it was one up’d by a site getting hacked that belongs to local government, and having to do some disabling of it and get it temporarily cleaned up, but even there, some more work to come.
I would ask of you all who read this to keep me in your prayers, as of late I feel like I am on the edge of a big step in life, big changes, big adjustments - some things like an apartment, job, etc. all are big parts, but I dunno, that is one thing in my mind lately I have been throwing around that whole “ah life” bit, trying to figure out what I’m here for as sometimes while I do love helping folks, I feel like a rag doll, just tossed around then left by the wayside - people who claim I am as I have said before “worth your weight in gold!” I sure sometimes that folks only say that to keep me happy and part of the team 
but its all part of this change I think, I dunno, just lately I feel different, aside from sleep deprived (that’s nothing new) I just feel like I just have to go a little further and it’ll be to a next step. I guess time will tell.
For now I will say my usual “Anywhoo…” and log off, I want to hit the bathroom, then head up the mountain, hoping to enjoy the calm, the breeze, and possibly the chance to see 2 moons in the sky during this lunar eclipse. So thanks in advance for the prayers, more later.
Okay - so it wasn’t that bad, just some things towards the afternoon, just feel bad for my friend’s business, he has lost hope, and with a small business it’s not hard to do, clients are slow to pay, or choose “not” to pay, budget is tight, things come, things go - and while I can safely say I don’t run a perfect business, I do my best, and when I get down, and bummed about things, I take a step back.
Life is perspective - this week looking back has been some things which really helped re-focus me a bit, things got done that needed to be done, and I saw things put into motion which could give things a nice spin and make lives better, not just my own, but a lot of people I know, but when your nose to nose with life, you only see two eyes staring back at you - take a step back, get the bigger picture, see the whole issue, not just that which is 3in away from your face.
I have been told a few times over the last 3 weeks that I work things out in my mind differently than most, and while some think that is a blessing, sometimes it is a curse 
from over-thinking, to over-doing, to setting aside what some would consider “logical” thought, and doing what my heart tells me is right - like businesses I have helped over the last 6 years, when I should of setup a job, I continued to help - so its not always the best “outcome” as I would say it’s the curse of being nice, but in the end, life goes on - and a friend of mine see’s recent changes in his life as a similar curse of being nice.
Life goes on, life changes, goals/dreams/desires change - life is progressive, it’s adaptive, its growing and changing - finding hope where there is none, sometimes you have to let go that things will work out way ABC, and see that XYZ is already waiting for you
So that’s my ramble, that sums up a lot going on in my head, and I know all the little things ,the changes in companies, the changes in business, it’ll all work out in the end, just takes time! For now, I am going to go play with CakePHP a bit more, printed the 150 page manual, slowly thumbing threw it to get some of the constructs down…. fun reading for a Friday Have a Good One Folks!
Well today two of my devices gave up the ghost.. a fond farewell to the following:
- Jarba Bluetooth Headset (no longer charges)
- HP+iPod 40gb (Dead)
So I am going to order a new headset from Newegg, but not sure about the iPod, as much as I’d like to have it, dunno if I can afford to get the 80gb one and keep to my budget *sigh* ah to be responsible. lol.
Anywho - going to go help cook dinner now… more later.
Lately the big thing I have noticed in my life is the normal the “status quo”, or the familiar is not always the “normal” I am really wanting - for a few years now I have strived to make changes in my life, from my dealings with anxiety, a hint of anti-social behavior, traveling, and of course my favorite - meeting with clients - so definitely the normal behavior of hiding out in my cave has changed, but some things always seem to go back to what’s considered “normal”.
This week has some things in store for me, a server project, working on a website project which has taken a lot of time for code, design, and learning an entirely new development platform, namely flash - but I find myself falling back on my old habits, and going towards what is familiar and common to me, not venturing past the normal thing I know onto other ventures - but I am trying to, and I dare to quote ZeFrank - “break that cycle” - to get out of old habits, to get out of things I’ve done so long they are common place in my life, from a spiritual standpoint its a perfect description of sin, that little ol secret sin one has (you know that one…) - that silly little thing that temptation rears its head and says “Oh it won’t hurt anymore” - we all have those in our daily lives (how many coffees was that today? or why were you telling at that driver?) its not huge, in all cases, but its that little secret bit.
Lately I find myself desiring change, desiring a larger income to cover some bills, get a place, etc. you know, the little things but at the same time I have to break some common cycles I have which are saying “oh its not a problem, I can do that” and not only challenge myself, but challenge those who claim I am worth my weight in gold, and see if they are willing to help me out even with a 10th of that weight - to saying no to friends when I am simply too tired, to know my physical limits, but not also being afraid to push those limits now and again and see what these sore bones are capable of - this is the first night in a few weeks where I have been up past 9:25pm
But I’d really appreciate your prayers for me, I know there are some changes going on with me, some that I finally just let into that I have been fighting against, some I needed to have happen, and some that happened because I was just pushed beyond my limits and unable to hold back the flood gates - a lot is in the works, a lot is on my plate, and sometimes being a single man business can be tough, but hopefully, things will level out here soon, and that balance I am always looking to find, will be found.
Anywhoo - eyes are starting to close, so it must be time, go see Transformers, well worth the money - and if I don’t get a chance to blog tomorrow, happy 4th of july. I know you don’t all comment, but I know a few of you who read regularly to see what’s going on in my ol crazy world I call life, thanks for reading. Night.
For the last 2 years I have been trying to find a way to unhook myself from servers a bit, really wanting to focus on other things in life, and have someone worry about the day-in-day out a bit, but the catch is server admin work usually pays well so it has it’s perks, however sadly it can be very high-stress, low rewards, and very demanding - sounds like a job right? Well after a few years, I have begun to get tired - granted some processes are automated now in normal maintenance I would do, but at the same time, just seems like more and more folks are stepping away from hosting with me for the bargain hosts.
I know this isn’t the first time I have wrote about this, and I imagine it will probably not be the last, just a little vent session - I have been testing out managed hosting solutions, to take some of the load off me, and have another company manage server updates, security, firewalls, etc. - why? ease of operation, I’d still run my own servers - probably 2 at most, but mainly for the special cases I have, which don’t fit into the mold of standard “hosting” so to speak - but that would lower the load quite a bit.
My dream solution? Entire infrastructure rebuilt from the ground up, new batch of servers all Dual Dual Core, at least 4GB of ram per, nice raid or sans solution for storage - a better backup solution than the current setup (hate the way cPanel packages accounts, takes too long, but works great if a restore is needed.) - I’d also like 2-3 employees to help balance the load of server work, but then a 4th person to do book-keeping and billing, to take the iron out of my fire, and get the budget leveled out and dead-beats gone.
Who knows, I would love to make some changes this year, pick up some programming and design gigs again, but who knows, lots to ponder, been a busy morning thus far, already 5 hours in, and lots done, but more to do.
Well you know how it goes, you goto a wedding and you meet people, at first I thought the only people I would talk to were a older couple I walked in at the same time as, but then I saw a former Awaken Model and said hello to her, saw 2 other folks I knew from High School, but the one kept avoiding eye contact, so I left him be, the other was part of the wedding, so she had a bit more on her mind.
But the reception is where I got to sit down with the wedding photographer and chit-chat shop a little, talk about weddings and such, and just have a nice conversation, and we got talking about a website for her, and she had some fun ideas which I think I can put together! So part of my plan this week is to see what I can do in some mock-ups with things (already have an idea in mind) but this sort of job can be ‘affordable’ but not cheap as the words “photography” & “easy to update” & just a dash of “no one else said it’d be easy” - its do-able, some tweakage, and some custom programming to make things work on the “easy to update” field, but the display of things seems fairly easy in my mind.
Which brings me to job options, server stuff, has me a tad burnt. Don’t get me a wrong, it’s my job, and I have some good bits of hardware and software - but the stress in that avenue has gotten to me over the years - now granted it has it’s upside (major boost to prayer life) - but especially with trying to have a full personal life, the servers bit can put a damper on a night out - sucks to say “Hey guys, I have to go.” and the night just got started, but I have good friends - and they understand (or at least seem to) - but I am thinking of pushing on the devel end of things a bit more, working on programming code, so I can say go sit at Starbucks and code for a few hours a day, and then level out the rest with photography on weekends and such.
I dunno, but I’d appreciate prayers on the matter - this year has already been the jump in sales, and such I expected it to be, but I’d love to travel and such, but without a full-time staff, then thats a tuff one, but prayers are appreciated, I may just be over-think and just tired in general, but sometimes I wonder what else I can do to move forward on other areas of my life a bit - but such is my evening getting my brain clear, and I think I am going to go find something to eat now that it has cooled down a bit, or maybe crash out while the crashing is good. Night All. Have a Good Monday.
