Archive for 'deep thoughts'
I have had a few offers, and some payout on recent shots, and it got me thinking - I am always looking at the budget for ways to get new camera gear - heck on my eBay watchlist alone I have about $350 of generic (but good for starters) lighting equipment - so why not take and make some money with what I have to work with now, to pay for what I want to do more with later?
So I am throwing around this idea, have for a few weeks now as something to give my brain to think on when I get coders block or am waiting on a compile, and I have found a place that can do large scale prints - up to 20×30 easily with my resolution of photos - so looking to order one or two, see the quality, and to fully test the printer, but I am just curious, if you were going to buy a print of a picture (no pressure to buy from me mind you) I have 2 questions:
- What would your price range be?
- What sizes would you want? (Mainly Outdoor Shots -aka Landscapes, nature).
So those are the questions I pose, and I’d appreciate any and all feedback, heck if you want to be REALLY complete you can just shoot me an email to me @ [this domain].com and let me know a more detailed bit - but I have most of the workings figured out, I have a cart that works with Google Checkout, and Google Checkout is offering better rates than PayPal - plus its all major credit cards, and going to go talk to my cousin-in-law (I think that is what he is… maybe? he’s my cousin’s husband) who owns a frame shop, see if maybe I can get a few “stock” options at a set price.
Anywhoo - I am going to go rest my eyes again for a bit here, just a project I am excited about and trying to get some ground work laid out. Could be fun!
Or as others like to call her, Charity! My niece will be here tomorrow for a week I believe (still fuzzy on the details, been sleeping a lot, and I miss a lot of a day compared to not sleeping) - but should be fun, she will get to play Grandma’s new game on Wii (Open Season) - test drove it some tonight and it’s pretty fun, and follows the movie pretty closely - but requires a lot of interaction with the wii-mote, but it works 
Today was more sleeping, anymore weekends just tend to be a real “shutdown” time for me, never was before, but the last few weekends I just have totally crashed out - which is nice, gives this ol pile of bones a chance to rest up - biggest trip today was the trip to Foodmax for supplies for the meal tomorrow for Easter, but also making sure my camera is ready as well for the kiddo coming, always fun getting her on camera when she’s here because she’s just like me - totally nuts.
I am thinking of doing something a wise man once said to do which is “break that cycle” - a few I have broken, done things lately I normally would of not, but the big one I am leaning towards is traveling a bit, finances are tight, car needs an oil change, but I really just want to get lost for a while - I have talked about it over and over again for the last few years, but never have gotten to doing it, I figure while I do want to take up my good buddy Jon up on a trip to his flat down-under, I figure first things first I have entire large continent here to explore a bit - so who knows, maybe after taxes venture towards Colorado (Aunt Margie), Washington (Aunt/Uncle/Grandparents/Cousins), Arizona (This guy I knew growing up, we shall call him Cory.), or maybe just drive and end up somewhere else. I dunno, I mean like the veggie tales song says “and I’ve never been to Boston in the fall.” which is so true.
So the fund has begun, need to probably get my car tuned up before I go, get some spare cash so I don’t live on Credit Cards, and sell my GPS and get a newer fancy one that I can easily put more maps on so I can’t truly get ‘lost’ but at least have a way out of where I am I dunno - some definite options to go on - but by the start of, or before 2008 I want to have some travel outside of California under my belt - I’d love to hit Colorado or Washington as both are beautiful areas where my relatives live, and even if my relatives could only put me up for a day, the time taking shots would be awesome not to say Arizona wouldn’t be bad either (correct me if I’m wrong Cory).
Well thats the bits in my mind which I had to get out, and it’s only 11pm, man folks are going to start to talk! but who knows, as I have found the last few years, life is a funny thing sometimes, best laid plans don’t always work out, but here’s to saving up some cash, and if the trip fails, the cash could always go towards lighting/lenses for my photography! 
Which too isn’t a bad idea - but for now, off to my wiki to make some notes, and then I think I am going to curl up on the couch, put in a nice quiet DVD (Snakes on a Plane - LoL) and call it an evening. Happy Easter Folks.
A good week all in all - got a lot of things done, some new orders, some side work, bandwidth shaping up, etc. things are going well - but just been a hard week in the regard of trying to help those I care about, and not feeling like I can - a few of my friends are in situations with life, that I can’t even imagine, can’t comprehend at some level - and all that seems like a good idea at this point is giving them space to sort it out.
So I go into this weekend wondering the status of one friend, worried for another - and finding all I can do is pray - life is one of those things you know up’s and down’s - and while I know one friend will see his way through this rough spot in his life, others to me just seem to be going in deeper and deeper from the life they were trying to get away from, and my advice seems to go on deaf ears - but tis their life to live.
Friday holds the possibilities of doing some shooting out and about, thinking I’ll check my tires, fill up the tank, and venture up the mountain, get a hotel for the evening, and shoot at a higher elevation, just have to do one little thing before I go, if I do, but if not, then its the usual work around the house bit, maybe help dad install the new washer/dryer him and mom got, and finish organizing my bedroom with the latest furniture positioning. Time will tell - but too everyone reading, have a good Friday and a Great Easter Weekend. Take Care!
Lately I have begun to wonder what that light is at the end of the tunnel, and for the past few weeks it has been the train, and it runs me over a few times, and I get back up, step back, then lunge back into things, and give it another go to see if maybe this next time it’ll be daylight and I can move on from this tunnel of insanity.
But thus far, even 3 hours in the tunnel, I need 1 hour or so of step back, it’s just sad, and not really productive, or healthy - but such is life sometimes, but today I took a road over the tunnel for the day just to relax, and work on projects which for one needed a bit more quiet overall so I could do some testing on projects, and the testing went good.
So I started thinking about the “plan” to change life up a bit, and honestly, I don’t know what it would be, there are options, but I am thinking of maybe making a move in life, change of location, I have planned for mid-year to try to be in an apartment/house/whatever - but maybe something further out - maybe another state/town/country(hi jon!) but I really am starting to think a change of location might help my state of mind.
I love my friends and business folks here in Bako, but at the same time this is all comfortable, this is easy, this is sadly in some cases the same, day-in, and day-out - the bit from the last blog about not being able to help people who don’t want to be helped, very big thing in my life right now, just odd that folks feel I want something out of me doing something nice, but that is their choice I guess, in some cases it’s not all bad, folks simply don’t need my help anymore because their life has rounded out and is getting better, but for others, I almost feel like I have offended to even offer to help out.
So maybe a change of location is needed, not sure, something to surely pray about, biggest thing I’d be leaving here is Friends and Family, not like I have any business or romantic ties anywhere, so no major breakups - but maybe a new town, new opportunities, a place where folks don’t already have a pre-conceived idea about you, your simply “Chuck” and if people get to know you, then tada.
Other end of this, I may just simply be tired, long story as to why I am not sleeping, folks can call it insomnia, or chronic fatigue - but it’s neither, its sorting and figuring out a few things in life, lately I have sat up penciling or typing out thoughts and working on some choices with work, personal, etc. not to mention the joys of taxes, then I follow that up with a bit of winding down, so not a un-made choice, not a matter of being completely exhausted as simply a fact of life, but all by choice - so don’t worry that I have some sort of disease or syndrome, just how I work, wires have been crossed in my brain for decades now!
Anywhoo, prayers are appreciated, also for my dad who isn’t feeling too well, but for me just some clarity as to what I am supposed to do in life, not just in regards to a move, but in general, things since my birthday have been nuts, thankfully calming down, but still leaves me with some choices to make in the end which aren’t easy - but that’s it, the post I started last night totally erased, and a new fresh one down in under 10 minutes. Have a good Thursday folks.
What a month, what a crazy couple of months - not saying its bad, just taking a toll to say the least, mentally, physically, emotionally - and the newest, financially - but its all settling out, slowly but surely, but I’d really love a nap, a cold drink, and a swimming pool.
So why am I awake? Oh the usual old story with me, I took a nap trying to get a headache to stop, and woke up rested, but of course, way off schedule in the realm of normal hours and sleep, and of course with once again a almost fully functional brain that is doing what it likes to do - think (stoopid brain!) so here I sit, sipping a glass from the bottle, my poison of choice, Martinelli’s Sparkling Cider - oh yes, I know how to roll.
But today brings some possible good news I hope, get to see if a new company I am dealing with will be good to work with long term and are business people that are honorable - if not, probably time to find a alternative - just one of those things in business I suppose - probably not a major deal, but just one of those things.
Can’t decide now to goto sleep, go for a drive, go for a walk, or just sit here pondering what to do with my day - part of me wants to make it a day around the house, catch up on some laundry, maybe re-arrange the room a bit, and make it a tad more livable - who knows…. time shall tell. Have a Good Tuesday All.
So the simple, short, easy way to look at things sometimes is rather easily summed up in a single word:
Change.
Life is change, choices bring about change, as life goes on your physical body changes - where you once the team captain in football, you now get a ache in your back when you play fooze ball - you were the prettiest girl in school, and now you’ve had 2 kids and you don’t feel as pretty anymore - but such is life, we change, and not all changes are deep, some are physical, and all change takes time to understand, and come to understand/appreciate (I mean come on you have 2 precious angels now!).
I look around life lately, and see change, see choices, and as odd as I am, I try to run a choice other folks make out in my head, I try to empathize with their life, where they are at, where they are going, what they are knee deep in, and try to help if I can, but sometimes, I can truly say nothing, help isn’t desired, help is not warranted from me, life requires lessons to be learned, but I can’t shut off my desire to help.
In the process of the day today, I was asked for help, and my normal response occurred “Sure-thing” but upon people asking “Oh who was that?!” I was told not once, not twice, but 3 times, “Why would you offer to help that person?” and honestly its not something that pop’d into my head as I considered what was going on, I didn’t consider how I’d be helping that person continue their life as is, I didn’t consider that the person usually tends to simply ask for something and not give something, and probably a pile of other reasons some could give me to not help.
I don’t know how to change this though. I have written here about things like this before and I got some good feedback, but today as I was being told by people I have helped, and I am in the process of or going to help soon that I shouldn’t help another person, it boggled my mind - I don’t know what to think on this honestly, and tomorrow I’ll get a call, and be asked “So, can you make it?” and I honestly don’t know what my answer will be - I mean if person #1 who said I shouldn’t, stopped getting my help, would that be fair? or #2 - should I simply not give to them? or #3, is there one factor of why I should NOT help them?
I dunno, this whole getting older thing, trying to focus on my life a bit deal is just odd, I have never been one to really focus on what’s good for me - I go days without sleep, recently a day or two without food, because I am sidetracked working to help other people - and it doesn’t bother me really, I enjoy being able to help, to have the skills, strength, finances, etc. to help someone out, I mean whats a missed night of sleep to help out with advice on a marriage? what’s a missed meal to sit on the phone and just listen to someone? What’s $25 for internet access so someone can go home and unwind after work and maybe, just maybe unwind from their day, and have some of that stress relieved? It’s nothing at all.
I guess I don’t do a lot of things standard - I mean for instance today, I got an email from a client who said “Potential Customer!” and he wanted me to bid on this hosting project for his church’s summer program - honestly, it was a very awesome ministry setup, the video promo, the PDF flyer, all well done, professional - my reply on the quote? Free. I could of at the very least had $5 extra a month, but instead I decided a site on this ministry was more important than a #4 @ TacoBell each month (Which is 5.96 with tax if I remember correctly) - but I just don’t live my life that way I suppose.
2 Corinthians 9:6-7 says “6 Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. 7 Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” I was raised by cheerful givers, and not just my parents, but my grandparents, and other family - my grandfather would give his time to folks, my grandmother would take time to teach, my dad had an open ear, and also enjoyed to talk, my mom helped if there was a need to cover with finances - I have always just wanted to bless others, because God has blessed Me. I mean who would I be to not give to others? What is an afternoon canceling meetings? What’s the big deal in buying someone a meal - God provides.
My pastor once said “You Can’t Outgive God. I dare you to try.” and if someone on my blog is getting something from any or all of this blip here, then do try - do my finances get tight sometimes? Sure. Do I get sick/overwhelmed/exhausted? Sure - welcome to being human 101 - but in the end, God provides. I can’t over extend myself to even come close to what God has done for me in my life, I survived a car wreck, I’ve had health issues, I’ve had family nearly die growing up , but I’ve never been able to out-give God - I mean Jesus sacrificed his life for us, so I have a long ways to go before I get to that level of sacrifice and giving.
With all that said, what do I say tomorrow? Do I judge the life this person is leading? or do I simply do what Jesus did with the woman at the well, offer that bit of help of “Go and sin no more.” and be a friend, and example of Christ and have a few folks upset at my choice? or do I say “Sorry! No Can Do!” and maybe miss a chance in life that I sometimes deal with “What if I had done XYZ for Mr/Ms. X?” am I stepping out of something that could change someone’s life? or am I for once supposed to let person X do something on their own?
Time and Prayer will tell. Time to do my nightly rounds, and maybe catch some sleep here shortly. Take Care All.
It’s been a couple of wild/crazy weeks - behind on some projects, behind on some billing, and I have a few letters to write to folks - things are catching up though, personal stuff lately more in the realm of helping friends has taken up some time, but time I don’t regret taking - just one of those things in life I enjoy to do with my life, to really just drop everything if needs be, and help - thankfully I have customers/friends who understand what I do.
There are some folks lately though that irk me. This whole fake bit when they need help, then this pushy irritating rudeness when I say “In a minute” or try to offer help and it’s not fast enough - but the bottom line is folks who don’t want help, usually won’t take it even if they have it thrust upon them - heck a IM just 2 seconds ago just was someone who I think was probably drunk, going off - followed up with me about to tell them anyway what to do to fix their problem, but then he logged off upset. Why do I give my IM out to some people?
My cousin was in town, so hit the movies, saw The Astronaut Farmer, a good movie I enjoyed it, a nice night out - but tonight I am sitting here alone, empty house, no noise, so I am working on the MBP in the living room with the TV on, and just playing whatever is on - noise in general is good - just too much on my mind right now to really just bad if I have all quiet, the brain goes off - doesn’t stop, so noise = good.
But the plans for this weekend have almost gone like planned, had a nice time at the party with the Fosters, it just seemed far to short - things were fun though, had some fun talkin, got to hold thug baby and good cake and burgers, it was a fun party - still need to figure out what the heck I am doing for mine. I never can seem to come up with anything till the last minute, and usually its something silly like oh I dunno, goto lake ming and freeze all my friends lol. but this year I am leaning towards something fun and kid friendly, though everything seems expensive - I dunno, just can’t decide - any suggestions?
Anywhoo - rambling, just trying to put down whats rolling around in my head that’s not too personal, or too private from things other folks are going through, the joys of my brain/life. Guess its time to stare at the wall - ah the wall. Night folks.
