Ball dropped.

So in the first time in all my professional career I find myself with a project that has been completely nearly ruined by my health. Never before have I have a prolonged health issue set like this to where I can’t even think.

It’s Sunday but the customer decided to call the company I’m doing the work for and give the likely final coming to Jesus talk. They aren’t happy.

I have tried my best to meet the customer’s demands and desires, but when you can sometimes not even find the right work word in conversation, to even do completely straight forward code has become insanely difficult. I wish I knew more PHP developers to work a deal, get help, have someone else do it.

Just been a really rough couple of months in which on top of it all, I’m just really getting depressed about things. No progress, Monday I make a call to my GP again to see if we can do blood work, going to fast tonight so I can hopefully just go in and get some blood draws and see if anything can be found. Just at the end of a rope and there is no end in sight. 

This project would of have been insanely helpful to complete, it would have fixed up budgets as I haven’t had any real side work for 4 months now so that usual steady flow is dried up – but I have tried 3 times so far today in trying to get the code out, but sadly just get to a point I want to cry as I’m frustrated that I can’t even think.

Then to get a call in which I got even more stressed out, just not a good time in life right now, and while I know even if I fail, its not the end of the world, I just don’t like this stage of life, and wish to move on to the part where I get hugs and briefcases of money. 😀

For now going to finish up this rest session and try again I even cut it into smaller pieces to not overwhelm myself so going to focus up and see if I can knock out small things and maybe get more accomplished – just praying my brain can hold out and frustration over being exhausted and unable to think will be at bay and I can knock out this last leg.

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