100 days since I started this. A lot has happened since the start of this year, and this year is barely getting started.
I am tired. Insanely tired. I feel like work never stops, like battles never end, like I can’t get ahead of the mountain of bad, no matter how much good I throw at it. No matter how much I strive to create, things fail, no matter how much I love, it falls short. I’m tired of losing.
Changes are underway to try and create. To build. To mend. But it never seems to get traction. Like a truck in a runaway truck ramp, you can put as much pressure on the pedal to move, and you just go deeper and deeper.
What do I want to see the next 100 days present on this blog? Change. Growth. Traction. I want to see things improve vs. continue to go down. I want to create and inspire; I want to see my life mean something to people, that my words, my creations, my life shine through what God can do with a broken down old 36-year-old.
I want to find hope again. Not this slowly fading candle of hope I’ve hung on to that says “don’t let me go out!” I want to let it burn out; I want to live and have a renewed joy, renewed peace, renewed hope. I want not just to fake it trying to make it, but actually, honestly make it.
Change is coming. Just got to let the one who can do something with this broken lump of goo, work. Move over Chuck, let’s let life begin.