PS:100 – A hundred days.

100 days since I started this. A lot has happened since the start of this year, and this year is barely getting started.

I am tired. Insanely tired. I feel like work never stops, like battles never end, like I can’t get ahead of the mountain of bad, no matter how much good I throw at it. No matter how much I strive to create, things fail, no matter how much I love, it falls short. I’m tired of losing.

Changes are underway to try and create. To build. To mend. But it never seems to get traction. Like a truck in a runaway truck ramp, you can put as much pressure on the pedal to move, and you just go deeper and deeper.

What do I want to see the next 100 days present on this blog? Change. Growth. Traction. I want to see things improve vs. continue to go down. I want to create and inspire; I want to see my life mean something to people, that my words, my creations, my life shine through what God can do with a broken down old 36-year-old.

I want to find hope again. Not this slowly fading candle of hope I’ve hung on to that says “don’t let me go out!” I want to let it burn out; I want to live and have a renewed joy, renewed peace, renewed hope. I want not just to fake it trying to make it, but actually, honestly make it.

Change is coming. Just got to let the one who can do something with this broken lump of goo, work. Move over Chuck, let’s let life begin.

PS:99 – One more.

I started this idea to get my writing up a bit. I like to write, I like to type about my life, I had been silent for 139 days, I posted once about Being a Dad in September last year, and then fell silent.

This year started with a need to get back into writing. I am still working on the launch of TechFriendly Help, which should be a blast, but my writing mojo was lacking greatly, and thus PostSomething (PS) was born, and 99 posts later, I’ve kept up mostly.

So with post 100 coming up what’s the next 100 posts going to be? I have no clue.

I want to build up my portfolio, I want to create, I want to document things in my life – I’m trying to find that balance of writing, of resting, of working, and it is entirely out of whack. TFH is half designed and maybe 2-3 articles written, but still no solid filming setup, but hoping to sort that soon.

To the focus of sites, even LightUnto and CMBits, you name it – I’m tired of starting things and having them dwindle. I’m trying to write a lot in the background – thus, when a recent spill killed my keyboard which I loved (Logitech K740), I gave up and grabbed the K480. It can have three devices via Bluetooth (handy dial to switch profiles), so I can use it on the phone, tablet and desktop, it’s going to go with me in my go bag too!

I know one thing, when it comes to life there are a lot of areas I am blessed. I may not feel blessed at the moment in some, but I have to know God’s working and if I loosen that grip on that area, let Him take the reigns again, it’ll go in the proper path vs. whatever it is I’m trying to do.

Yesterday was a massive low point. I just keep feeling lower and lower in an area of my life, and I just keep reminding myself, I can’t change. God can change me & the area, but my strength can’t do anything on this. Thankful for a few prayer partners who’ve helped me greatly, plus one friend who put me in touch with another person who’s had a similar journey in life, should make for a good conversation. I am always looking for encouragement for sure.

Tomorrow? 100. Today. Bed. Goodnight folks.