Hope.

Lately, in this wacky world we live in, I don’t see a lot of hope. Some blame our president, some blame a skin color, some blame God, some blame the person next to them. Honestly? It’s my fault. It’s your fault. We have all lost hope.

Our previous president was embodied as “Hope” – it was hope for change, it was hope for the future. For many of his followers, that hope he created, quickly went away when he left office, but after all, things said and done he was and is just a man. If you misplaced hope in someone who could fail. Who had a limited time in power, who may of went left instead of sticking right, we’re all human! It happens.

Do you want to see a better world? Want to see things better? Don’t expect the current president to fix it for you. He isn’t your hope, nor is he your destroyer. He’s a man. Flawed, broken, and too is going to make good things, and bad things. Not here to debate what he’s done good or bad – because as with anyone on the left, right or middle can say about ANY president – but Trump isn’t my hope nor was Obama.

Lately, I find myself looking for hope in what intake into my mind, my heart, my life. From stories to music, and I find myself in stories of hope, all of which start with us looking to the light, not towards the dark – that never-ending battle of good over evil. The Machine vs. Samaritan (Person of Interest), Kevin doing for others (Kevin Probably Saves the World), Crowder singing about where his hope is in the song above, to Mercy Me telling us in the dark, we can hold on to hope in him (Even If).

It hasn’t been what I would call an easy few years for me, friends moved on, life changed, health took a plunge and my connection to life has changed drastically. How do you find hope in what you know as your world – which just crumbles in front of you? You’re told you’re bad, you’re told your stupid, and told your health is crumbling – Diabetic, High Cholesterol, Dangerously High Blood Pressure – and let’s not leave out a business which has had its share of dings. Where do you find hope?

Honestly, I’d love to write that I was the good Christian boy, that I said “Yay God!” in all moments, but I’m not. I’m human. I’m flawed. I made choices, which brought me to this day where I am right now. And what can I say today after these hard years and maybe more hard years to come? God is Love, and in His Love, there is hope.

Today I write not hiding behind some magical and happy life that I post daily on Social Media that is fake, today I write as a guy who’s fighting uphill to get where God would have me. Not where I’d like to be always, but taking that step into the fire knowing that he won’t let me get burned, but I may feel a little heat, I may break a sweat, but even through all of this, through 400+ blood sugars, to heart rates that likely if had been higher would of sent me to a hospital, from fights in my marriage, fears in my child not coming into this world, to words spoken to me in “love” stabbing deeply and abandoning me – I’m still standing.

I may be light in a few areas of my life, I may not be driving a sports car, I may not have the supports or same outlook as to where my life was going, I’m standing.  I am watching a 3 yr old grow into an amazing life, I’m watching a marriage with fewer fights,  I’m seeing blood sugars lowering down to 110.  I’m seeing me stronger. Maybe not as quickly as some felt it needed to be, maybe not how quickly as it was supposed to be – but I’m human, I’m flawed.

2017 is quickly coming to an end and like Job the end of this tale where many times I feel like was told to “Curse God and Die” by so many areas of my life, I’m happy to report I did not, and I’m looking forward to restoration. To seeing how God can continue to redeem my life, redeem what I’ve lost even more. Yes I know so many of us can say we feel like Job – I know so many people I’ve talked to over the years have gone through their own Job Season – I think for many of us we do, not everyone does in this life and that’s one of those “Questions for Heaven” an old Pastor I knew used to talk about, but he also reminded us no matter the trial and tribulation we went through in this life, his God. My God. Is there besides us.

I’m thinking this will be my last post for 2017, I’m hoping to continue writing about my journey in 2018, but I’m going to focus my creativity, my energy, my life into building the things God’s laid in my lap these past few weeks, focus on exercise, on eating better, on building – so I wish you all who actually read this a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. See you in 2018.

Carrots

So, I have been craving carrots lately. I may be turning orange.

Aside from that, a busy week! Seems like I’d slow down only to go go go again. Even today, it was one of those days where it started off slow, then just never stopped. From it? Got some hours in for consulting gig + 3 possible projects in the coming weeks! So hopefully things pan out.

2018 may bring a full-time gig in addition to my business, and I think I’m good with that, just as long as it actually pans out, and is very solid.

Even if it isn’t there is a possible option for a new server customer too I may be getting, which would be cool, server customers slowed down this year – but hoping to really bump things up in 2018.

For now, a busy week has started winding down, take some meds and head to chill out in bed!

The other side of posting…

So here we are, a year of posting is done, granted it wasn’t 100% a solid day-for-day year, but it’s done.

Excited day for me, seeing even lower blood sugar today, and yet tomorrow is the big day in which I go from the base dosage of the new med to the full dosage. 10mg -> 25mg – If I’ve seen a HUGE drop in sugar already should be interesting to see how a full dosage leaves me, will it be like coming off a drug (sugar) for so long my body is in “normal” ranges might be rough for a few days.

I have a meeting on Monday that should give me some direction for 2018 I hope, some projects to take on for a company I’ve been doing work for, should have more direction after a call tomorrow I hope. Then again, their track record sadly it may not ever happen – so not completely holding my breath.

It’s also another day switched over to Android (S8+) vs my previous iPhone 7+ – I’m pretty happy so far, I’ll feel a bit more confident once my screen protector and case come in, as it stands a tad slippery for my tastes, but aside from that the phone performs pretty well. I do miss Stripe having an app, but not a show stopper as I made some rules to send my phone a notification when payments come in which will work same as the email but more in real-time.

So things are moving forward, again don’t think I’ll do a PS: subject any longer, but my goal is to try and make a post daily.

PS:365 – It is finished.

An idea that was supposed to be wrapped up January 18th, 2017, went on a bit long. Such is life I suppose! You think “Oh I’ll write tonight” then you hit 2 server outages, 5 tickets, a sick kid, and a family trip all in the same 23 seconds. Foof.

I think I’m going to keep it going though – I want to keep it simple, I want to write every day because honestly, I need to keep clearing the old brain. We shall see!

For now, though the 365 posts I wanted to get out in 2016->2017 – is now done in nearly 2018 😀 Joys of life.

PS:362 – New Meds, New Site, New Year

So the doctor’s visit went okay. Really liked the new doc, I’ve met a few over the years and I’m honestly going to see if this guy can be my GP – I honestly haven’t felt like a doc actually heard me and answered my questions, this guy heard my concerns, answered my questions, and even gave me a newer med and teamed it up with the metformin to see if we can’t get the sugar under control, and gave me a new BP med which got my body to relax so much that last night I crashed out SUPER early – 9hr 45 minutes of sleep according to the fitbit.

Working hard on FlockHosting.com and ThrustNet.com this week, hoping to create a lot simpler set of sites, nail things down and make it concise and to the point, no more wordy pages, just what I offer, to the point, keep it simple, no hard to manage designs, easy to add if I need to, and simple to remove too.

2018 is rapidly approaching. A lot of things I want to see this coming year, and with 3 posts left in my commitment to post daily for a year, I’m really missing the steady flow as I’ve been writing these past few days, helps me get things out of my head and makes it more real if that makes any sense – journal is one thing, still great for things not ready for prime time, but online blog really makes it more “out there”, something about that is therapeutic to me.

For now, back to it, got swim lessons tonight with the kiddo, and night 2 of new meds, so we shall see how the RBS (Resting Blood Sugar) looks in the AM, this morning 201, still high, but for my mornings? Actually lower than just metformin! So improvement, hoping day two is even more!

PS:354 – Last Rent Payment

Well, it’s hard to believe that it has been a year. A year since I picked up this house to rent, and now it’s done in under 30 days (27 to be exact), onto the next thing.

Tonight I paid the last payment, we have until the 31st to be moved out, a lot of work going on to get that finalized, but prayers are appreciated for the move, busy busy busy.

For now I’m burning through some to-do’s from the day, really just want to rest, but have to get work done – seems to pile up a TON when you run around town all day. Oi.

PS:350 – The week that didn’t stop!

Oi! This was one of those weeks that while I’m excited about extra hours for consulting, I’d just as soon be done and sleeping!

I have 3 more tasks on the docket this evening, finishing a quote, a server, a piece of software.

Honestly? At the rate I’m going I think I’ll get 2 out of 3 unless I get a large boost in what I’ve got coded already. It’s glitchy, to begin with since I’m working with a really hard to work with the codebase. For instance, I’m having to embed javascript into javascript, to produce something that would have been easier and made the site function better if they simply avoided javascript in the first place.

I’m all for progressive coding ideas to give a real-time experience, no refreshing, however, honestly? for what this site does it should have been flat PHP generating HTML no buzz, no fluff, just HTML.

Now, this week will eventually end, but hopefully, I can get some rest before a busy week ahead.