Hope.

Lately, in this wacky world we live in, I don’t see a lot of hope. Some blame our president, some blame a skin color, some blame God, some blame the person next to them. Honestly? It’s my fault. It’s your fault. We have all lost hope.

Our previous president was embodied as “Hope” – it was hope for change, it was hope for the future. For many of his followers, that hope he created, quickly went away when he left office, but after all, things said and done he was and is just a man. If you misplaced hope in someone who could fail. Who had a limited time in power, who may of went left instead of sticking right, we’re all human! It happens.

Do you want to see a better world? Want to see things better? Don’t expect the current president to fix it for you. He isn’t your hope, nor is he your destroyer. He’s a man. Flawed, broken, and too is going to make good things, and bad things. Not here to debate what he’s done good or bad – because as with anyone on the left, right or middle can say about ANY president – but Trump isn’t my hope nor was Obama.

Lately, I find myself looking for hope in what intake into my mind, my heart, my life. From stories to music, and I find myself in stories of hope, all of which start with us looking to the light, not towards the dark – that never-ending battle of good over evil. The Machine vs. Samaritan (Person of Interest), Kevin doing for others (Kevin Probably Saves the World), Crowder singing about where his hope is in the song above, to Mercy Me telling us in the dark, we can hold on to hope in him (Even If).

It hasn’t been what I would call an easy few years for me, friends moved on, life changed, health took a plunge and my connection to life has changed drastically. How do you find hope in what you know as your world – which just crumbles in front of you? You’re told you’re bad, you’re told your stupid, and told your health is crumbling – Diabetic, High Cholesterol, Dangerously High Blood Pressure – and let’s not leave out a business which has had its share of dings. Where do you find hope?

Honestly, I’d love to write that I was the good Christian boy, that I said “Yay God!” in all moments, but I’m not. I’m human. I’m flawed. I made choices, which brought me to this day where I am right now. And what can I say today after these hard years and maybe more hard years to come? God is Love, and in His Love, there is hope.

Today I write not hiding behind some magical and happy life that I post daily on Social Media that is fake, today I write as a guy who’s fighting uphill to get where God would have me. Not where I’d like to be always, but taking that step into the fire knowing that he won’t let me get burned, but I may feel a little heat, I may break a sweat, but even through all of this, through 400+ blood sugars, to heart rates that likely if had been higher would of sent me to a hospital, from fights in my marriage, fears in my child not coming into this world, to words spoken to me in “love” stabbing deeply and abandoning me – I’m still standing.

I may be light in a few areas of my life, I may not be driving a sports car, I may not have the supports or same outlook as to where my life was going, I’m standing.  I am watching a 3 yr old grow into an amazing life, I’m watching a marriage with fewer fights,  I’m seeing blood sugars lowering down to 110.  I’m seeing me stronger. Maybe not as quickly as some felt it needed to be, maybe not how quickly as it was supposed to be – but I’m human, I’m flawed.

2017 is quickly coming to an end and like Job the end of this tale where many times I feel like was told to “Curse God and Die” by so many areas of my life, I’m happy to report I did not, and I’m looking forward to restoration. To seeing how God can continue to redeem my life, redeem what I’ve lost even more. Yes I know so many of us can say we feel like Job – I know so many people I’ve talked to over the years have gone through their own Job Season – I think for many of us we do, not everyone does in this life and that’s one of those “Questions for Heaven” an old Pastor I knew used to talk about, but he also reminded us no matter the trial and tribulation we went through in this life, his God. My God. Is there besides us.

I’m thinking this will be my last post for 2017, I’m hoping to continue writing about my journey in 2018, but I’m going to focus my creativity, my energy, my life into building the things God’s laid in my lap these past few weeks, focus on exercise, on eating better, on building – so I wish you all who actually read this a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. See you in 2018.

PS:207 – Sad Lilly.

Today was a rough day for Lilly on many levels. She too felt bad which she slept off some but even starting this post, she barely has fallen asleep. She’s teething, sick tummy, and well upset a little that I moved and her human pillow was gone lol work beckons though and I must get a lot of things done.

So far the computer is cooperating some, more and more delay in simple tasks, parts should be here tomorrow, hoping, praying, already read up on it hoping that this install is quick, easy and painfree – already have my USB install ready, webpage opened to the install guide.

In other news, a customer sent me a make your own rootbeer kit, I’ve had one before, and I have a Sodastream, but let’s be honest…. Why not? 😀 Nice to be appreciated!

PS:182 – Same thing…

This is the 5th server install and build-out in the last few days. Thankfully all have been insanely quick, easy and functional!

Super happy with the new digs – I’ve worked with many data centers over the years and these guys are an awesome setup. I hope that doesn’t change as I was with one company for nearly 7 years and towards the end, there were new faces, old faces who kept  things running smoothly disappeared 🙁 so hoping my account manager and others stay on and keep it good!

More servers to build out but now to sync 8 to 40GB of data! Happy Sunday All!

PS:120 – 3D Printing

So when I snagged the Wanaho Duplicator i3 – I knew I wasn’t getting some “Set it and forget it!” type system. As MakersMuse’s noted even in the image preview of his review “Tinker’s Dream?” because it isn’t that easy, as I’ve learned the last few days.

If you follow me on Instagram alone I’ve posted a few pics, and let’s just say you haven’t seen everything, my biggest sadness was the stopped print due to jam:

View this post on Instagram

Slowly getting done! #stormtrooper #3dprinting

A post shared by Chuck Brown (@mrcbrown) on

Incredibly frustrating to have gotten comfortable thinking “I got this!” and embark on a larger scale print only to go about 5-10 more layers above that video clip, and then continue the motions, but no longer extruding.

I’m learning a lot of tweaks, adjustments, mods, got some M3 nylon nuts coming which will help give some stability to bed leveling. I’m told they will help and just a lot of things to adjust, try, clean, settings to tweak – it never stops, but I’m getting closer each time I print.

It’s been a great escape for me, strangely soothing, even now Lilly’s out for the count (praying she stays that way). I have the printer on hour 9 or so of printing the cup again, and its settings are a tad rough, and it looks like I may already have a slight shift in settings, and my extruder setting I turned down to cut back on over extruding may have been a tad too much.

One of my goals with the printer is relaxing and creating, but to going to make some models myself (already made one for holding my camera). But some toys, flower pots, tech related, and just fun things to maybe even paint, as I did a Yoda bust and my cousin’s son Dalton painted it kind of cool looking. He even started painting a companion cube from Portal. Cool projects!

Keep an eye peeled more goodies coming after this mega print is done!

 

PS:9 – 18 Months

Hi, I’m Chuck, and I’m 437 Months old. When I say: Lilly is 18 months old! Oh, how people get excited. I get stories of “Oh I remember when my baby was that age!” or “2’s are coming.” Just something not so cool about being 437 months old. Oh well.

Lilly hit the big 18 and is doing good. As I write this, she’s sleeping taking in the rest as this kid is always going it seems! But in 6 months I will indeed have a 2-year-old! That’s just plain awesome. She’s growing up fast, but so far I’m enjoying it and not dreading it. I do tell her to stop growing, but she just says “tooka tooka tooka” and goes on playing!

Pictures were taken and here’s one I’ll share:

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Can’t wait for this little girl to grow and get to know her even more as her personality just keeps shining through!

 

Another Andrew!

As I figure most realize, but maybe not all do – this blog isn’t “Charles a Brown” – rather it is indeed my middle name of Andrew, most folks don’t even honestly even think “Charles” when they see me, most have known me as Chuck or the more common “CHUCK BROWN!” but this past weekend I was able to meet my new nephew Andrew Michael Zoeller, he’s a handsome little guy:

Andrew Michael Zoeller
Andrew Michael Zoeller

Love him! Daisy and I made our way down to the hospital to hang out and help, we got to talk with my family and even escape for some food and later take the niece and nephew to get Jamba Juice (A first for me!) but it was a blessed day overall! Little guy has had a few little issues trying to be like Me as my mom says, borderline Jaundice, but he’s going to be A-OK as he has a praying family!

But that increases our Andrew count to the family by 1, earlier this year my cousin Amanda married an Andrew adding another then, we Andrew’s are taking over the world 🙂 Now if only were all gingers, but so far 2/3 of us are piano players, maybe Andrew will make it 3 for 3 one day 🙂

Many congrats to my Sister and Brother-in-law! Love em much! Look forward to being around to warp shape this young little guy’s life, love my nieces and nephews! Plus need to get over there with the good camera and get some fun photos once he’s all settled in and his parents have a bit of rest 🙂