Charles Brown

just a simple blog

PS:100 – A hundred days.

100 days since I started this. A lot has happened since the start of this year, and this year is barely getting started.

I am tired. Insanely tired. I feel like work never stops, like battles never end, like I can’t get ahead of the mountain of bad, no matter how much good I throw at it. No matter how much I strive to create, things fail, no matter how much I love, it falls short. I’m tired of losing.

Changes are underway to try and create. To build. To mend. But it never seems to get traction. Like a truck in a runaway truck ramp, you can put as much pressure on the pedal to move, and you just go deeper and deeper.

What do I want to see the next 100 days present on this blog? Change. Growth. Traction. I want to see things improve vs. continue to go down. I want to create and inspire; I want to see my life mean something to people, that my words, my creations, my life shine through what God can do with a broken down old 36-year-old.

I want to find hope again. Not this slowly fading candle of hope I’ve hung on to that says “don’t let me go out!” I want to let it burn out; I want to live and have a renewed joy, renewed peace, renewed hope. I want not just to fake it trying to make it, but actually, honestly make it.

Change is coming. Just got to let the one who can do something with this broken lump of goo, work. Move over Chuck, let’s let life begin.

PS:55 – The Weekend

For most the weekend is that time where you relax, spend time with family, do things around the house and maybe if funds allow – venture out!

However for me, I don’t have a traditional weekend. A lot of it is catching up on sleep. Occasionally something fun, but the majority? Rest. Okay and some work sprinkled in.

Things in life are never easy. The dream of a weekend is something that’d be nice, but, for instance, today things on my docket:

  • Rest
  • Cleaning
  • Domain issue with a long time customer
  • Fixing a Laptop
  • Customer Requests/Issues
  • Hydrating
  • Admin Job (still waiting on full time)
  • I’d say drone, but not sure that’ll happen (the weather)

Non-stop. I am trying to knock things down and get my to-do list down to a manageable level. Sadly when work crops up, I can’t say no, because No means “We’ll find someone else” – the joys of a self-owned business. I used to joke Tim was my boss, but sadly I have over 200 bosses who at anytime can come calling.

Even yesterday I got an email which at first glance seemed like a loss of business, however – it’s growth. In 3 weeks I have a migration for a sizeable local customer which leaves very little (read: none) area for error. So in 3 weeks I’m not going to be resting again lol.

Today I am going to do as much as I can to simplify things here around the computer – I am going to knock things down while finishing up the work, then hopefully a long, long, long, long nap. Got to get this old body some rest before it gives out.

Hope everyone reading is well. Keep on praying for me; I really need it.