The Fight for Positivity. #struggleisreal

Today is one of those days I guess, not a fan of what I see in the bank account, a small mountain of work in front of me, and I don’t even want to sluff it off, I honestly just want to not really even stare at a wall right now. The sun is out and I’ve considered just going for a LONG walk, but sadly some of these items on the todo are time sensitive.

The loop of music I’ve got today is:

A great song, really been one of those things I’ve found myself continually reminding myself that I have something positive to hang on to, but its been a rough couple of months, even today had to just call the doctor asking about the continuation of an injectable med (BCise) as its having some mixed issues, one of which my blood sugars are higher with it, and it’s leaving knots in my gut + a lingering pain from my ribcage to my back.  Not fun.

So a mountain of stress/bad – and I’m going to keep fighting for positive, and to make this post have something actually positive, I made a sugar free bowl.

PS:315 – Taxes Suck

So this year taxes came together in record time. Why? I’ve really been trying to keep a better grasp on numbers, but to the reports/tools of the billing system, vendors I use who have reporting on what I spent, etc. it’s still not 100% easy/perfect, but compared to years past it has been a lot easier to put together, a lot lower stress.

Let’s be honest though it’s taxes. Taxes suck. I really wish it was a matter of “You made X, you owe Y.” in my mind at least that would be so much easier because I know how much I made all things said and done, just take a day and get back to the business part.

To that end reaching out to my aunt who did/does the CPA thing, seeing if they can suggest maybe either an online service, firm, etc. maybe even just get some suggestions from them on better structuring things because I’m needing it to be easier and easier, not harder and harder – and if I can manage somehow to keep healthy growth, then too may need to change some business funds up.

16+ years doing this stuff, I’ve put my app in places in those 16+ years, worked various things, just I’m at that point where I am trying to eliminate as much stress as possible in everything as I can because there is enough stress in life to have to worry about finances? No thanks. Need to change it up.

For this tax season? I’m done. Filed, back to the grind of it all – okay that’s a lie. I am overly exhausted, thus I’m letting the kiddo sleep in till at least 10 am and then I’m going to work to chill-out a little bit. Been a low week for hours, been a slow day thus far already (praying that doesn’t change) just need a break, maybe once the Mrs. comes home I may venture out and catch a movie? Fly the drone? Dance like no one is watching? Something just not in front of this terminal.

Happy Post-Tax Day

PS:210 – So much for sleep.

I can’t catch a break. Sleep is just not my friend. I’ve not really caught up nor have I finished all the work in-front of me because I’m so tired. I tried switching over to writing as an option to not be stressed over work, and get some content queued up – that was a fail. Wrote a big thing on secure coffee shop internet browsing, like many articles on TFH, nothing much to see yet.

I’m trying warm ramen noodles now, oh yes it’s awesome. 4 minutes delicious ramen from the microwave. I’m on my 2nd serving now as its made me a little sleepy, but not sure if it’ll bring me down.

Part of it is I just have too much on my mind lately, too much to do, and options for more to do that I’m not sure I want to dive into. The computer working issue has been a problem too, but thankfully after some tweaking and adjustments the hackintosh I’ve aptly named “Hackie” has been running a lot smoother, sorted out the hang-up issue with power saving mode – and going to re-work USB access for a set of speakers, and my two drives for backup/storage.

I hope to accomplish a lot this week, I’m pondering making a schedule and locking down time for various projects, not sure if it’ll help – but I have to find some way to get things working smoother, including a block of time to just RELAX or GET OUT – at least once a week if I can wing it, been pondering a drone flight, time lapse, or simply iPhone shooting – weather looks solid:

Image 2016-08-14 at 4.35.23 AM

Hopefully we dip down some, would be nice to not sweat as much as I don’t think any place in town can keep up with my drinking habits 🙂

Well microwave chimed, time to dig in to one last bowl then try to pull a Lilly as I’m heated up, goto sleep. (Works for her!) Night all.

PS:191 – Day of Stress

I’m taking a break in about 4 minutes to take a power nap. I’m exhausted. I’m fried. I’m hurting. Body can’t take many more weeks like this – need to amp it down a notch or three after this week for a while, let my body catch-up on sleep some, get out if the temperature drops and maybe fly the drone? See a movie? Take a nap? Not sure. Been a busy couple of months.

New servers deployed, loving em, already moving a TON of data, backed up first, pulling a live image now – have to figure out how to re-sync it after wards, as I can’t do a refresh on a live system, server won’t do it. Praying this works because honestly? If it doesn’t going to make the emergency migration tomorrow evening even more difficult. Nap time. Back in 45.

PS:74 – …

My life seems like it’s at that point where it’s a pause. That three dot lead into what’s next… But what is it?

I honestly don’t know. I’ve had an insane month of March. Oh heck, let’s be honest even more so – I’ve had a hard couple of years in general. I’m behind in projects for my business as I take care of business for others, I just want to take a nap over that of sit in front of a camera, or write an article, or even play a video game. I want to rest.

But I press on. I move forward into the day-to-day hours of handling tickets, server issues, customer questions, emails, calls, etc. I have a server migration on Saturday for a large local client, of which leaves few margins for error/failure. So no stress at all right?

I’m tired. I’m ready for a nap. I want a day off where I can just go outside while it’s still cooler temps outside, and enjoy the outdoors before it goldens up and we are dry again. A guy can dream. For now, I wrap up work in front of me, then start the journey of Lilly going to bed.

PS:66 – OnHub

So a while back Google, who likes to have their hand in many areas, and I’m a big supporter of that decided that “OnHub” their dive into routers was a good idea.

Well, I got one on sale, and figured I’d give this learning “easy” wifi router a try – and so far? Mixed. My office has mixed results when it comes to wifi. Several walls, the modem, is on the other side of the house – not ideal. The previous fix was Airport Extreme -> Wifi Extender -> Line of Sight to the office. Not great. But workable.

So my latest attempt has been to try a powerline adapter sounds like a solid plan at least – and for the most part it seems to work. “Seems”

I’ve contacted Google about it previously, but results were insanely mixed, tech ran me through some options, really fast email responses, but since it wasn’t going too hot, I went back to the more workable option with the extender.

Well, today my powerline adapters came in, and results are promising. I have it in the office directly, and the powerline is showing anywhere from 9-15Mbps. Not great considering the line can get a lot more (100Mbps at one point if I remember correctly) but seems like maybe the provider is having issues because even tests elsewhere are topping out.

But performance has been solid, less buffering for sure – which is nice when trying to wind down with Lilly. Trying to get back on track with sleep, and even if she’s not tired we are in bed and laying down, so the occasional Hulu watching is required 🙂

All in all, I’m still on the fence. Hopefully, the provider irons out in the AM, and tomorrow work is smoother more and more as I will hopefully have a more stable connection.

Work is getting caught up, wish I could say the stress is going down, but today I accomplished a TON, and tomorrow, I hope I can accomplish a ton more and who knows – maybe this weekend get some drone time! (or a nap – I’m not picky!)

PS:48 – Instruments

The lyrics of a song “Instrument” by Matt Maher hit me tonight, mainly the chorus, but it starts off like this:

Where there is hatred Lord, let me sow your love
Where there’s injury, let forgiveness be enough
Are we giving up, fighting the good fight
Where there is despair, just a flicker in the flame
Could break the veil of night

To the Father and the Son
And the Holy Spirit, three in One
I offer you myself, though I’m broken and spent
Let me be Your instrument
Let me be Your instrument

If you want to listen to it, definitely worth a listen, it’s on Matt’s Youtube Page.

I’ve had a rough couple of years. Life has not been easy, not been fair, not been what I feel is “pro chuck”, and I try to remember that it is not about Me, but it is about God first and foremost, and I think what instrument am I?

I am broken and spent. God has no mighty use for me, but yet He uses me. To help the church with a website that helps bring in new people. A voice to someone who’s broken. A hand up to the person on the street. But is that my only instrument?

The definition is “a tool or implement, especially one for delicate or scientific work.” or “an object or device for producing musical sounds.” either way a work to bring something to be changed or bring attention with sound. I want my life more than anything to be able to never ceasing to bring joy to God.

One day I hope to be able to share my story entirely, it has been quiet these past few years, my life isn’t out there as much as it used to be, but who knows as I cling more and more to God, maybe He’ll show me where my life again will be an instrument to God, for it was never about praise of Chuck, it was about sharing a life that God was trying to work in, where I allowed and where I failed for life is full of good and bad days.

If you are a steady reader of this blog, and for the stats at least 2 read it! (Hi Google Bot!) I’d ask for your prayers, life is crazy right now, busy, stressful, sad and exhausted. God’s got something planned I’m sure but right now trying to avoid my story of Job resulting in me cursing God and dying, for I know he has something big planned on the other side of the dark, for out of it can only be light. I want to be an instrument again!

PS:5 – The Day that wasn’t.

So yesterday ended up being pretty much a waste/change day. It started off very early with my CC Processor shutting down my account. The reason was “bad tax data” I had sent it over. However, it was blank. I reached out, yet as I found out later, they did this to a lot of their customers.

So after Lilly woke up, I got the 800 number and waited. 3 hours and 29 minutes of waiting. In that time, I fixed two servers, made Lilly and me lunch, and got a kid to sleep.

Now around the 3h 29m mark, I decided to try calling from another line, curious to see if maybe it had a message like “We are experiencing _________”. However it quickly asked me for my account code, confirmation of my name then told me details about my account, then suddenly I was talking to support agent #1.

Short version is such, 3 agents in and I was promised by “end of business” my ability to process cards would return, however, it did not. Thankfully I had a backup, a processor I use for contracting had a plugin for my billing system, so since it cut out a monthly fee and shared the same rates, I cut over both billing systems to the new alternative.

Sad to make the switch at some level, I’ve been using this company for the better part of my business, previously it was provided by a company which came highly discounted with my original billing system – but here we are, onto #3.

So far so good, has an excellent iPhone app and easy integration. Needless to say 4+ hours of my life on hold/talking wasn’t my plan for my Thursday, but here we are TGIF, more work to do! Happy Friday!